Lightnings on Motherhood

Just yesterday I heard how mothers became attached to their babies more than anyone else because of the nine previous months when babies spend time in their belies. For most people inside there are nothing more than a lump. For mothers that lump is a being from the start.

Here I am: on the threshold of our first separations, only a few hours a month when baby and I will be apart for a couple of hours, so I can get some work done and he spend time with others. For me is pure torture. And I can tell that for baby too. Only a few understands that, but just yesterday I heard: for most people, baby is only 6 months into the world, for the mom, he is 15.

How do I feel as a mother? Do my heart is fill with unconditional love and happiness? Do I see the world differently?

My heart is definitely full. But not only with love, I dare to say… It is filled most with fear, solitude and yes, an unshaped specie of love – which frightens sometimes, because as most of those unshaped and unclassified species on the Discovery Channel, we don’t know how it will behave. As a proof of that, I’m such a mess that I managed to scare (far) away the dad and almost all of my friends, which now walks by like I walk by the lion at the zoo: not taking for granted the bars between us.

Hence the solitude…

Now, back with my parents, in my old room, with my baby in arms and my old Teddy Bear (who is actually a dog) aside, motherhood lost all of its romance. I mean, the plan was to give it away Teddy to my son in a gentle gesture of passing along a beloved toy - very appropriated -  but now I took it back as a selfish child. Teddy is now the only one I can take on on the lonely late nursing hours.

So there you have it: a solo mom, with a baby in one arm and at scrappy teddy bear on the other, with a kind of love that seems to have fangs, plenty of fears and an unshaped belly that just won’t quit. It can’t get messier than that.

Or can it?

With down approaching and Teddy looking at me -  his old eyes of pure wisdom –  I think that (you know what!) I could do a lot worst. See, the brave ones did not walk away because of my new fangs, the fears are very handy when you need to be extra careful in this jungle world, and the best of all: baby is safe and sound. And as for the so wanted romance, just remember it: great mothers of mythology also did this with solitude.

From Egyptian goddess Isis, to Rhea (Zeus mother for god’s sake!), we have powerful moms raising their sons in solo style. After this, I guess tomorrow I’ll have to give Teddy up and stop sobbing. After all, the world changed completely: it gained the most beautiful smile and little feet. 

Photo: "26 weeks", by good friend @leandrogriot

P.S.: meet teddy bear on the pic.